Helicopters on the Free Range Pt. 3: When to Intervene

-Might as well make it a trilogy.

Our children are constantly receiving messages from us, even when we are not physically present, and most especially when we are.

Tacit approval is a powerful message. It is not loaded down with words, directions, and specific expectations – it is simply in the air. When our children are struggling with a puzzle, and we do not intervene, they receive a silent message that we have confidence in their ability to solve a problem. If they are in a conflict with a peer over resources or activities, when we steer clear we are sending the message that conflict is normal and that friends can work things out together.

However, we should not offer tacit approval of choices that go against our values, and the values we aspire to teach to our children. In these instances, it is time to get involved. When there is a power imbalance being exploited due to age, size, or capability, it is time to intervene and share that what is happening does not fit with your values and expectations for your child.

If your child is on the short side of a power imbalance, depending on your sense of your child’s capacity to manage the situation, it is again probably wise to intervene, to demonstrate that this treatment does not receive even your tacit approval.