One tension in parenting today pits the rustic dream of free-range parenting against anxious times and urban lives. We dream of our children running free through the fields, but in reality most of us have small, fenced-in backyards. We chose our living situations for many reasons that enrich our children’s lives. However, our young ones running through the neighborhood every afternoon from school’s-out to sundown is not in the cards for most of us.
Fortunately, we can still provide our children with opportunities to take appropriate risks, to both succeed and fail with their own wit and grit. Living in a densely populated community, our children are accustomed to having a caretaker or parent nearby to help. It becomes second-nature for the child to call out for help, in the incredibly diverse ways that children draw their parent’s attention. And, asking for help is a strength, most of the time.
In urban environments, we can’t rely on our lack of proximity to support our child’s development of grit, healthy autonomy, and capacity to manage social ties with peers. However, we can develop confidence as parents in knowing when our help is needed, when to intervene, and when to preserve room for our children to build their own problem solving abilities.
Michael Murray, LMHC, M.Ed 